filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
zippers are such a cool invention
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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