The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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