I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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