I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
