I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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