He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
