Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
