I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
