Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
