is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
