when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
