So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
