So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
did i just pee glitter
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
