Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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