PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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