idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
