C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
