My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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