you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
