Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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