This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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