Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
