Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
