just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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