are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
