SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my shit smells like andre
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
