I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
