Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
