I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
