i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
