So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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