do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
