hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
