she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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