I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
