Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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