I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
