Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
