he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
