well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This house was built for laser tag.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
