i was born a porn star she said
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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