as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
