I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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