In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
