so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
