Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FUCK WHALES
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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