I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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