is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
