These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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