you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
