what day is it and did you see me today?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
