I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
