I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
