In the future we'll all be gay
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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