just come out here and I will go home with you...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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