those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
