the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
