I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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