How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
