i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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