if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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