the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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