Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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