well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
