If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
