dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
whose parrot is this?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
